This is a review from :devReviewsbyRequest: .

I think the theme of whether humans are art or not is interesting. To me it deals with whether art is just an exhibit of oneself, or if it needs to be more twisted in order to become art. Also I think the theme of art being a little 'bubble' for the artist is brought up. The idea in itself is good enough. But the way it's told bores me. The language is very chatty and seems to show all her thoughts. You try to create a scary mood, but fail because you really accentuate everything. Repetitions, filler words like 'boy', unnecessary questions like 'What had happened to the statues?' Really spelling it out with sentences like 'That was horrifying!'. The reader doesn't want to be told that it's horrifying but wants to feel it. The whole section around 'That was horrifying!' is particularly tiresome/melodramatic. You need a lot more of the iceberg technique: Only give the reader hints and clues concerning the feelings of the main character, what's really going on and so forth. As soon as I read that the statues were realistic, I knew they were real people, because this 'oh gasp' mood is already so obviously coming. Letting her foresee the tragedy in a dream is also sort of a cliché. "Don't ever close your eyes to the world that doesn't move" is an intriguing sentence. But is it a quote from somewhere, since it says 'she thought of' and not just 'she thought'?

The description of the man who accompanies her is nice. It gives a good image of a clash of young/old. I like this in the first paragraph: 'The clean white of the sheets forced them to close, as she wasn't used to the light. That had never happened to her before.' That in itself is foresight enough, and I can easily recollect the feeling of white sheets against morning-shy eyes. But 'as she wasn't used to the light' is one of the many pieces of information that are obsolete. 'Layla was asking herself "How could I have slept so long?"' would be better as 'Layla was asking herself how she could have slept so long'. You generally seem to need to find your own voice for prose, as this one is far from unique.

The inside had a pagan look. Medieval tastes were mixed along the way with a strange fetish for grey and overall faded colours and objects. Large, overly decorated baroque rooms surrounded her.

This is a good and interesting description. However, are the rooms baroque or medieval? It seems like what you want is to imply that walking through the rooms is like walking through time (which works to give a historic/general human perspective – it's not just about one modern individual, but about humans in general), but if so, it needs to be more obvious that the rooms aren't all the same.

Her body was fragile. Thin and totally the opposite of her personality.

This is the only thing that's mentioned about her personality, and the sudden reluctance to spell it out makes me curious to know more about this and makes me think that the subject will definitely be elaborated on later. But it isn't, so it seems a bit strange.

It seems like her being tired is the reason for what happens, and therefore I think the text is about death, a sleep which can be seen as restless or peaceful depending on religious orientation. The running shadows in front of her eyes I see as living humans, the ones who comes to see the exhibit after she has died into it and slowed down to the pace of death. I really like the repetition of 'And they just stood there, smiling heavily…'

She had become what she said of being fake. Now she was to remain fake. She never opened her eyes again, fearing what she should see. She was to sleep along with them. And they just stood there, smiling heavily...

I don't understand what she's fearing to see. Is it people calling her fake?

It seems like you already know some things you want to change and just want to see if anyone suggests that you keep them, and if that's true I think you generally need to trust your own judgment and work your pieces through one or two times more before you send it out for critique. This is a story with potential, but it looks a lot like the rough draft I think you're calling it in the description.

You may also find this review here.